5 Steps To More Ease On The Playground
Once upon a time, I dreaded going to the park with two children. Can you relate? Everything was just peachy when our baby would sleep in the baby carrier, or simply lay on a blanket in the shade. But once he started walking and then became a full on toddler, it felt like I was spinning in circles trying to make sure both children were safe and having fun.
On top of this, I know how we can struggle with how to approach playground rules like the great slide debate, and sharing sand toys when I prefer to "sportscast" toy struggles at home.
These last few years, we've really hit our stride and are enjoying the park so much more, and I'd love to share a few secrets I've learned.
Choose A Fenced In Playground
When I was just watching my daughter who always stayed close by, I never considered needing a fenced park. However, now with 2 children (and a certain 3 year old who disappears in the blink of an eye), a fenced in playground gives me comfort.
There’s instant relief when there's a fenced in playground, which means we can relax more and keep our children safe.
Bringing balls and sand toys also keeps the momentum going too, especially if the play structure is geared toward a certain age group.
Allow Children To Direct Their Own Play
Child-directed play is the play that happens when children choose what delights them, and make their own rules for how to play. There are many benefits and my family has found so much joy when children take the lead.
This means we aren’t required to tell children what to play with on the playground and how to play with it. I found this to be a relief!
We can even resist the urge to tell our children what we think is fun (even if it totally is!). Instead, we allow children figure things out for themselves and freely decide how they'd like to spend their time.
In the 7 years of motherhood, there has been literally hundreds of times when I stepped aside, and watched ingenious games, problem solving opportunities, creative forts, struggles that challenge my children to learn, and more develop between the children.
It’s awe-inspiring, don’t you think? Which child-led play moment has been your favorite?
Don't Lift Children On Equipment
My daughter has been wanting to learn the monkey bars since kindergarten. She started with 1 bar, and now she can go all the way across, and challenge herself with monkey bar tricks!
This may seem unconventional, but I’ve never lifted her or helped her across the bars. When another parent has helped her across, I felt embarrassed and start to doubt myself. Can you relate with this at all?
Yet I know that lifting and helping our children is well intentioned (hey, sometimes I still do it!).
But the goal is for our children to understand their own readiness, and their own unique timetables for capabilities. It is so different for each child, and we can relax in the knowing that children will try and accomplish new things when they are ready.
It’s also MUCH safer for a child to understand what they are capable of, and what they are not. There is a false sense of safety and readiness when we offer too much help, even if it’s as simple as helping a child walk across a log. This logic can be applied towards climbing up and down stairs, going down the slide, and trying anything new and challenging.
What I often say is: “If you can safely climb up something yourself, then most likely you will be safe climbing down yourself. Therefore, I won't lift you in places you can't get to yet.”
Set Expectations Before You Arrive & Set Limits As Needed
Many times before we arrive at the park, we can set expectations so everyone is on the same page with limits.
We can remind children about taking turns, and other park rules that help bring more ease.
We can even remind them not to take toys out of someone’s hands (even if you don’t have this specific rule at home). There can be different rules in different places. Children adapt to this quite well, I’ve found.
We can also discuss how climbing up a slide is fine (and studies show it has a lot of gross motor benefits). However, if the playground is crowded or someone is coming down the slide, then the only option is to wait at the bottom or use the stairs.
Of course, setting limits for safety is key ("I'm not going to let you throw sand, keep it down low"), and also stopping children from hitting or hurting one another is so very important (as you know!).
Give A "You have 5 minutes to do 1 last thing"
I heard a mom say this once and I thought it was brilliant. Her children did their last fun thing (usually the slide. It's always the slide!), and they left without complaint. This nearly works every time for us, but I find that if I get caught up talking during the 1 last thing time, it turns into 42 more things, and it's much harder to leave.
I'm working on, with calm confidence, respectfully helping them to leave if they are having trouble leaving. I'll acknowledge how much fun they are having and how I can see that would make it tough to go.
Then with confident momentum, we can help them along by holding their hand, or directly ushering them to the car as best we can.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I try my best not to ever pretend I’ll leave without them. We leave together, always. Even with tears!
Moms, dads and caregivers: I'd love to know, what are your secrets to taking your children to the park and keeping your cool? I love learning from you too!
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With love and respect,
Jesse (About me and my training)