Diaper Changes Without The Stress
In 2018 I completed a RIE® Educaring® course in San Francisco in 2016, where I eagerly soaked up how to bring more connection and ease to my parenting. I've been guided by this approach for the last 7 years with my own children through reading blogs and books, and I remember leaving the last class with joyful tears, feeling even more inspired about the importance of respectful childcare.
There was one day in class in which we devoted hours to diapering. This topic might ordinarily seem like a no brainer - until you realize you nearly missed BART that morning because you were chasing around your run-away toddler with a soaked diaper (ahem, again). You see, 18 month old Nikhil turned into this toddler when it came to simply wiping his bottom. Talk about stressy.
I tried what I learned in class and immediately saw how much more cooperative and loving diapering felt. Many times he literally ran to me to get a diaper change. It filled both of our cups, and he plays better independently when we have these caregiving times to meaningfully be together. His big sis enjoyed helping too!
Here are the 5 loving steps for less stressy diaper changes, as inspired by the RIE® Educaring® approach.
1. I tell him that I'd like to change his diaper. If he's in the middle of playing with something, I'll allow him to finish for another few minutes. When I'm not interrupting what he's doing, he's much more cooperative during diapering. Then I'll ask him whether he'd like to stand up or sit down for a diaper change. These days he prefers to lay down. It's up to you if you'd like to offer a choice like this. I find it helps his cooperation to get started in a position where he's most comfortable.
2. I don’t offer him toys, TV, or rattles to distract him. This is a meaningful time for us to connect and be together, and a distraction would take away from this. It also sends the message, "I don't need your cooperation" and "lets get this chore over with." Holding a diaper or a wipe, however, is part of the diapering process and that can be offered.
Instead of distraction, I talk to him about what I am doing. I do each thing slowly (very slowly), and make eye contact with him throughout the process. This sounds like, "I'm going to take off your pants from your left leg...now the right leg...." When I talk with my children about what's happening to them, the more they learn about themselves, and develop language and trust. I pause and allow him to talk. I like to learn about him during these times too.
3. I involve Nikhil as much as I can throughout the process, and he loves this! He becomes very cooperative and normally wants to help. I ask him to take off the sides of his diaper and give him time to try. I ask him to lift up his bottom while I slowly remove the diaper. I ask him to feel the wipe (or the cloth wipe we use at home) to check the temperature so he's not surprised when I wipe his bottom. If you'd like, you can use the correct anatomically names as you wipe. There are many benefits.
4. I allow Nikhil to see his poop and pee in his diaper, and then I wrap it up tightly and let him throw away the diaper in the trashcan. This has helped him begin potty learning, and our doctor was amazed when he said, "no poop?" at our last doctor's visit when she checked his diaper! We have started toilet learning and I keep a simple and small accessible training toilet for him nearby to practice. No rush.
I also never refer to his poop as "stinky" or use negative descriptions. I want him to feel confident and positive about his normal body functions, never embarrassed or shamed over something so normal. Then we wash our hands together and continue this slow, gentle, connecting time during hand washing.
5. Before I put on his new diaper, I normally show him how dry and comfortable it looks. Sometimes he's happy about this, and other times (like in the above photo), he does not want the new diaper on. I normally acknowledge his upset feelings about this by saying, "I can see you don't like having the new diaper on...can you pull out your leg? You don't want to do that. Hmmm... I’m going to help you.”
Acknowledging his upset feelings sometimes helps to ease the frustration. At the very least, he feels more understood.
I’d love to hear, do you struggle with diaper changes? Is it going smooth? Is this an approach you’d like to try?
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With love and respect,
Jesse (About me and my training)