Let Your Triggers Be Your Teachers + Healing Practices

Triggers aren’t the parts of us that make us bad. Like when we freak out at dinner time when our kid slingshots peas instead of eating them (definitely one of mine I continue to work on). They are the parts of us that make us human. They are our teachers.

They tell us about our emotional wounds, which are so tender and often linked to what happened to us as kids. How were you treated when you played with your food? What happened when you felt angry or sad or jealous or wanted to relax or express yourself in a unique way? What happened when you tested limits?

Was it met with a calm, confident leader in your life? Someone who understood and wanted to listen or offer guidance? If not, then this is the practice for us. I shared some healing practices below that can create some shifts for you personally, and in our family life.

SET AN INTENTION

Get quiet and listen to your own inner voice. She knows exactly what you need. What intentions might serve you the best in this time? Is it releasing a negative pattern? Doing some forgiveness work? Creating new family patterns? Letting your inner-child out a bit more? Making sure your needs are met more consistently? Acknowledge this in your own heart.

Healing IN A TRIGGERING MOMENT

Get To Know What Triggers You: Take some time to get to know yourself deeply. Through journaling, meditation and listening to our intuition, we can become more aware when our own natural feelings come up in the day, like resentment or anger. We have more understanding about our childhood, and how that affects us today, without blaming anyone. We can connect with ourselves and take better care when we have this awareness. I know when I wake up sleep deprived, or PMSing - or I'm a little anxious about the busy day ahead - that I need to connect with myself a bit more that day or I'll lose my cool.

A Few Tips While In The Moment: In the moment you’re triggered, "nodding" rather than responding right away gives us a few extra moments to see more clearly the situation and our children. We can also take a moment to envision ourselves as a therapist, rabbi, pastor - someone who can respond in an intentionally helpful way to our child's distress. This really helps me to become calm and confident, and sees their behavior as my golden opportunity to practice the respectful parenting skills I'm learning!

A Helpful Mantra: We can repeat the phrase to ourselves, "I'm okay even if they aren't." When we know we’re in a good place, we can better gently stop their negative behaviors like hitting, and feel less afraid - maybe even welcome their feelings that come.

Healing Practices for your MORNING

Inspirational Day Books: When we’re feeling sleep deprived from nighttime parenting, we can do some things that don’t take much effort but put us in the right mindset. Reading a few pages from inspirational books or blogs, or listen to podcasts might be helpful. Some of my favorite books are “daily books” that offer short and sweet words of wisdom. My favorites are Heart Thoughts by Louise Hay, The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo, and I’ve Been Thinking by Maria Shriver.

Set Up An Invitation To Play: If you need a few minutes to yourself in the morning, try setting up an invitation to play at night while your children sleep, so that it's ready to go when they wake up. If you follow me on instagram, you'll see the simple invitations my toddler and elementary aged children enjoy. This gives me time to read a few passages from my daily book, and even do a few stretches and sun salutations, and better yet - make coffee. 

Write Your Appreciation: If you have an extra minute, write down, or simply think about what you appreciate about your children, your partner, or life in general. This really puts us in a place of feeling blessed. Even when life feels hard, I can always appreciate my cozy bed, my children's good health, and my hubby’s cute beard. :) 

Healing practices for your EVENINGS

Get Deep In Your Journal: The evenings is when you can designate more time to journaling about what feelings are coming up for you, and reflecting on how your day went. If it's been a long time since you journaled, I find it so important in discovering myself, and often write down responses that surprise me and help me to grow. I provided some thought provoking journal questions below. They can be truly transformative in shifting what’s stuck.

Get Lit: There’s something about a flame that is so calming, ya know? Light a candle, or perhaps some natural incense. If you’re up for it, you can create your own personal alter or self-care space, just for you. I shared how to create your own here. You might feel inspired to begin a meditation routine in your self-care space too! No perfection required. Only positive things can come from it.

Take A Bath: Pour in epsom salt and your favorite essential oils and relax. Soak your hair too unless it’s going to be a good hair day tomorrow. Add in some Tibetan Bowl Healing Sounds and you’ll be feeling relaxed and in touch with yourself by bedtime.

JOURNAL QUESTIONS FOR SELF-REFLECTION

1. How did your parents discipline you as a child? Do you find yourself not wanting to discipline in certain ways because of what happened, or was it a good model for disciplining your own children?

2. How did your parents respond when you were happy and excited? How did they respond when you were angry, sad, or even distressed? Did each parent respond differently? 

3. Think about some significant childhood experiences that might influence your behavior as an adult. Do you find yourself trying not to think about it? Did it influence any patterns in yourself that are difficult to change?

I'd love to know, which healing practices are speaking to you? Do you have your own rituals that have helped you move forward with your family? Click reply and share with me, if you feel comfortable.

With love,

Jesse x

More support and love:

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